Consider whether it would be helpful to name this as a useful option. When youre having a heated argument with your significant other, it can be very tempting to level a real zinger at them to use words and putdowns you know will wound them and push their buttons. You continue, "Anger is a signal that a boundary has been crossed. I have an understanding that moralistic language is part of a larger pattern of trying to control people through punishment and reward in ways that tend to disconnect people from their own beneficial intrinsic motivations and inner wisdom, and that moralistic language tends to increase separation between people when some of those involved are cast as being at risk of being seen as morally wrong. Based on the story I made up, I judge that your conclusion sounds like a stretch, an example of using free association to try to force data to confirm your hypothesis of a problem. That said, I would typically advise students to be selective about where they use the verbal forms of NVC, but to practice the mental part seeing situations through a different lens much more often, i.e., whenever issues of values and conflict arise. Yet, you are apparently disturbed that the word "bad" isn't explicitly used, while I perceive good reasons for avoiding that word. Theyll also have a much clearer sense of how their performance contributed to you than they would if all they heard was You were great! And, this sort of expression makes it less likely that the listener will be conditioned to be excessively vulnerable to someone criticizing them. Through proven brand-building strategies, we position companies for success on the journey from brand awareness to brand loyalty. . You also say "Dr. Rosenberg isn't a Jungian, so perhaps he believes that it's possible to stop our inner river of judgments from flowing if we try hard enough.". What NVC is concerned about, in part, is the dynamic of sabotaging self-trust that can get set up when we assume that there is an objective truth about what is good and bad and that we are able to deliver authoritative judgments about this goodness/badness. The body's immune system can also function more optimally by crowding out inflammatory . If I were to ask someone Why did you say no? there is a high risk that the listener will think I am looking for ammunition to use to do battle with them, and theyre liable to respond defensively. They become your regular visitors. Posted on . You say "Dr. Rosenberg dislikes what he calls 'moralistic judgments' and so has not built into the NVC model a way to consistently and nonviolently communicate them, yet he occasionally adds them to his examples without explaining why he is doing so or how we might safely do so as well (examples on pp. One could argue that a relative weakness of Clean Talk is that it apparently doesnt aspire to support some of the types of challenging-but-valuable deep change that NVC at its best can contribute to. I think his talk of never hearing thoughts was meant as a wake-up-call to people "lost in their heads" who might believe they can rely purely on reason to navigate through conflict, without opening themselves to feelings, compassion, and empathic understanding. You write "I believe judgment makes it possible for us to grow emotionally and spiritually by allowing us to distinguish how we act from how we wish to act. In NVC, this process is supported through the naming of needs, which are essentially values that we want to live into. I think that this overstates the role of emotion, by neglecting the centrality that Dr. Rosenberg gives to focusing on needs, i.e., onconnection to the deepest values that motivate ourselves and others. My sense is that anger seems to involve a belief that someone has made a choice that has had a significant adverse impact on us, and that they could have made a different choice. We specialize in helping clients navigate pivotal brand moments including establishing new-to-market identities as well as helping legacy brands reinvent themselves in competitive market segments. 26. We collaborate with founders and company leadership who have ambitions that align with our own to blaze a new path forward. This encompasses strategic consulting services for brand positioning & messaging as well as strategic planning. I take Dr. Rosenbergs admonitions about thoughts as an invitation to notice when conversing at the level of interpretations isnt getting me where Id like to go, and when that happens, to be willing to drop down to a deeper level of awareness where I feel into what is happening, notice the barriers to open-heartedness, imagine the human aspirations in play, and remember my intention to find a way forward that works for everyone, or at the least, honors my deepest values. I agree that sharing interpretations doesn't always hurt, and I dont advocate never sharing them. It seems like youve been busier, and I dont know if thats just because your classes are hard this semester or you just havent been as interested in hanging out [Thoughts]. There is no guidance in NVC that says we should not think, or should not discern, assess, make value judgements, try to sense, etc. Cleantech Communication supports clients in realizing brand value. This could equally well be an example of NVC. There is an intermediate step, if one hasnt gone through this sort of processing: One can remind oneself that our anger isnt the full truth of the situation, and that the blame component of what we feel is only there because we havent done the work to understand the situation more deeply. So, I suppose it is naturally that there are words that are in a grey zone slightly but not extremely charged, and naming important experiences that are hard to point to otherwise so that they get included on NVC feelings lists, and it is hoped that the practitioner will use discernment about whether it is likely to be helpful or unhelpful to use that word in the context of a particular conversation. Many NVC practitioners express a need as a single word, in a way that isn't always as expressive an clear as it could be. Clean communication means keeping your voice as close to your normal tone and volume as possible. Cha c sn phm trong gi hng. For, example, if were paraphrasing in response to something someone has expressed (usually something more substantial than just no), we might say, Could I check to see if Im getting what youre saying? MFP note that one effective way to contaminate your message is to disguise it as a question: The questioner adopts the posture of soliciting information from their partner, but they already know the answer and their feelings about it; theyre really just making an accusation and showing their disapproval for their partners choice. I seldom use this sort of labeling anymore, and I think this is true of many NVC trainers. One concern I might have about Clean Talk would be that it might miss an opportunity to support people in moving beyond the limiting traps created by their beliefs. Our expertise stems from decades of experience providing strategic advisory services and marketing communication execution to climate tech companies. I agree that under many circumstances it could be off-putting to hear this. You also say "it seems to be inviting a discussion of reasons with no clear guidelines for how reasons might be expressed safely using NVC. Actually, one of the main reasons for suggesting guessing the reason, as opposing to simply asking for a reason, is to model the type of reasons one is looking to hear. (I notice that sometimes an anger-related emotion might get toned down in the way it is named, e.g., someone feeling furious might say theyre angry and someone feeling angry might say theyre feeling irritated (or irritation?) Regrettably, I imagine that many NVC practitioners do, some of the time, simply push away or suppress their moralistic judgments in ways that lead them to ultimately leak out in harmful ways. I think NVC discourages the use of moralistic judgments because they are entrenched tools of coercion and battling for domination, and NVC is about shifting out of a paradigm where one engages in those sort of activities. The score for this software has improved over the past month. The composite examples do not, for me, fit together (a) in ways that make sense, and (b) offer examples of what Rosenberg is recommending. Need is also the component that is most easily misunderstood. A punitive ultimatum, on the other hand, would be something like deciding to skip out on a concert you agreed to attend with her, in order to do something with your buddies. New Dawn Works has 4.5 stars. Note to self: Would it be useful to include anything in my NVC teaching about checking out our beliefs about what we think is going on? NVC isnt a narrow tool that is just about communication; in some way, its more like developing a meditation practice. If so, I too want those concerns to be given weight. As I understand it, what Dr. Rosenberg says amounts to expressing concern about some nuances of how we appreciate and encourage one another, not something that goes against the basic idea. GRID Alternatives is a non-profit working across the United States and internationally to build community-powered solutions to advance economic and environmental justice through renewable energy. You say, "It's my belief that anger and other emotions are signals to let us know what's happening around us." I haven't often seen people getting into this sort of trouble. I view learning how to communicate in more satisfying ways as an ongoing exploration, and Im continually trying to identify gaps in what I share with others about this topic, and in my own understanding. The idea is to find a way to let go of blame and moralistic judgment while retaining the full importance of the underlying concerns that that blame and judgment was pointing towards. 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