The world does not revolve around you, you are not special, and quite honestly I have every reason to believe you are grooming your children, as, narcissistic pieces of crap such as yourself engage in the same stupid cycles of behavior. But Jesus Christ I was in that grown man shoes trust me. If I had have been there at least I could have provided concrete proof for at least some of his lies that they chose to believe over their own daughter/sister. divorced so I know. Some of your options are: take a break from your family until you feel differently, tell your family to choose you or him (I do not recommend this), grin and bear it by going to holidays anyway even though you dont like who you are around him. Me and his Great Grandmother used to go see him and play. I feel worried when the kids get themselves into scary situations but he flakes out and completely ignores me. Your ex sounds like a decent guy but for what ever reason you and he didnt hit it off beyond having kids together. Perhaps this sense of belonging being taken away reminds you of childhood trauma? They took him on the family vacation whenwe were divorced And two years later he is still doing his evil from keeping my sister and her family away from me . Im not a bitter person im accually very forgiving and now a 64 year retired man living a simple carefree life i have my two childten and now 2 grandchildren . I feel your family and your ex-husband have disregarded your feelings altogether. He just got out of a two-year marriage and I was single for a while. And that is important, but it is not sure it is rstional, becuse emotions are not rational. She says she is ok with that but you never know with teenagers. I am wondering why your family is excluding you.? Was really confused when my older sister, started during our acrimonious divorce, to help him out. Your happiness is more important than your family and your children? "Both parties have to have some understanding and empathy for what the other has been going through and why things didnt work out. My mother told me to get out of her house shortly after I proposed to my wife now. She sits with them for family events (graduations, etc), and doesnt speak to me. I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. Needless to say, when having to choose whose family my adult children spend holidays with, its never me. How have you found peace through this. I wish everyday that this is a bad dream but no, my family has actually hurt me in a way I will never understand or forget. However, I still spend time with his mom when he is back across country, who is elderly and in poor health, and I see no issue with that. Having said that, just tonight I very very nicely turned down three invitations from my ex-brother-in-law (20+ years ago was the divorce). The two dads are killing it, wonderful for that little girl). He might love her forever as a person, because he thinks that she is an outstanding and amazing person. Infidelity on both sides were symptoms but there was so much more involved that caused our marriage to end. My ex SIL is not a horrible person, but I feel we should support my brother and give him a break from having to endure holidays with her. If you adopted, would you think the family not seeing them as family is fair because blood is thicker than water? I dont talk to or see my family anymore. Especially the first year. I know this is from a few years ago, but you sound extremely self absorbed & I cant agree on any capacity that you have ever put your kids before yourself on this topic. Someone who gets off on power and control. You cant go forward with your life with him in it. And is she bothering his family or overstepping? Your family should either choose you or cut them off. Ive been the sole parent from day 1. As my kids have grown. My mom knows that he has dated 3-4 women after the divorce and cheated on them too and was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. We have been married for nine. Im told that my sister is friends with her ex and have them over for family functions and I should suck it up. My family were my neighbors too. He uses his time to complain about her constantly to them and about how she is a bad mother. I do realise you cannot change other people only yourself and sometimes the most mature, healing path you can take is to recognise that even family are not always positive, loving, supportive people to be around and to try and take all the hurt feelings and channel them into something productive. I still love my husband so very much. You should be okay that he talks to them, but you should also make a point of asking him to include you in the conversations in future. I have to say that my ex was physically abusive during the time we were together outside of prison (2 years in all), but I could not tell anyone because of his trial and sentence so he would one day be able to be paroled. Im happily married, but my wifes family is most certainly a stressor in our relationship. Now mind you my mother has 3 children, 5 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren, and yet she chooses to leave my ex the house. My sisters husband is good friends now its my ex even though me ex didnt like him that way before. And very hypocritical as my mother is so pious regarding everything else. And yes, he probably loves her, too. Im not interested in having a pity party. "Communicate openly with friends and family of your ex . Hes a great dad and a great person. We are dealing with similar problem with my sister and my grown sons ex wife. Like its sad enough for both of you to be alone if all family wanna see both of you guys let it be. But, now she is telling him that the child is not to have ANY contact with me or my family. My family sympathized but acted also like it was futile to offer an olive branch.. I have lost so many family members.I just back away and turtle into my shell. Sad! This is all a story of my reality. Let them know it makes you uncomfortable and hurt that they keep embracing him as part of the family. Neither your family nor your kids will be there for you in 20 years time. You are the only one who I see risking to traumatize your children. No one should have to cut ties with an in-law just because a spouse wants a divorce. OP it sounds like both your ex and family r toxic. Agree to disagree with the family member, but causing conflict in the family over this issue, to me is immature especially with all the serious issues we are all faced with every day. At the end of the day her family is her family and for whatever reason you broke up they are doing the right thing by supporting their daughter. When we divorced he ended up with a Thai girl and they had a baby. Ive got the polite Hellos, Nice you see yous and cold shoulders/rarely any conversations, at his family functions. You stay strong and take the high road. When my ex-husband and I split after I caught him cheating on me four years ago he moved in with my mother until she bought them sold to him the house right next door to hers! Your wounds are new. Just because your family gets along with your ex-husband and the father of your children, dont feel as though this is a threat to the bond YOU have with them. Is there some kind of clinical No one has the right to determine who another person has in their life. (Which doesnt change the fact thatits super uncomfortable for you.). I feel sorry for my ex husbands new partner because she will sadly see the light in the long run. I have a similar situation. No child is going to grow up healthy and adjusted when one of the exes is a manipulative a*hole that garners sympathy and pretends to be the victim even if the other puts bitterness aside at been treated so soul destroyingly by their family of birth. It might take him a very long time to completely let go of his ex. More and more I was out and he was in. Practically, I could see it made sense . Its wonderful for the kids to be surrounded by all their family, seeing them treat each other with acceptance and kindness. He ended up trying to use their relationship in court against me! Wow! He gets upset when his ex is dating someone new, 7. He abused me emotionally and physically. My boyfriend's ex is still close with his mother. They just want everyone to get along. no matter what I said, they wouldnt listen. Your daughter kidnapped my kids. Did you ever think you were married for such a long time he wasnt only a part of your life but your families as well maybe if you want them to respect you you should respect them and allow them to process the divorce. I broached the issue with my family and they turned against me and made me feel like I was the problem. So if he hardly talks to his parents, and hardly even makes time to visit them, then you probably haven't met them because it really isn't a big deal to him! Even in university and growing up, If I broke up with a guy my friends would be expected not to keep ties with him and they would have to pick. What good does my family get out of these sporadic visits? Our relationship has never healed 6 years later. Why would he even want to punish you like this? So perhaps Im going to do something very manly and stupid: answering a question that hasnt been asked to me at all. Sad part is many people just walk away leaving pure destruction. I am in the same boat kind of.. Oh and once you understand the dynamics of it all which can take several years to process that is the part where you do learn to accept and move on. I was married to him for 11 years, I knew exactly what they were in for. He systematically does all the right things, 4. I just dont feel that it is appropriate that we are going to be hanging out with his ex wifes family without her knowledge. I dont know how to deal with it, but Id like to get it sorted as were relocating soon and I dont want to take all this bad feeling with us. So Im right there with the OP and all of you who have similar stories. And you can see that people who lose a loved one, usually leave their belongings in the house, so it feels like that person is still there. Who do you think you are? PS: If you want to make sure you are not making any mistakes that scare him away (back to his ex), I recommend you download a smallreport called The 5 most common texting mistakes that women make that scare guys away. Click here to receive it now for free. So what if your siblings and mother dont stop loving him like you did. My ex divorced me after 10 yrs. Their parents will always have a connection and shared duties because they are still their childrens parents but you should be her priority over the ex. I just want you to answer one thing, would you cut a stepchild out of your life if you had a divorce? Yet his mom still chose her. I didnt expect to, they are HIS family, not mine. I just wish my family members would not be all about themselves for once and support those who need it the most. Dislike! I became happier and for me, I cut my losses and moved on when my biological family was so thoughtless and pulled into my exs narcissistic smooth manipulations. Im told that my sister and my grown sons ex wife go see him and play chance to close! And all of you guys let it be thing, would you cut stepchild! 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